I finally figured it out...
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little for himself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
54. give the authority but never expect her to be responsible
55. give her the last word no matter what the cost to your life and limb
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget: birthdays, anniversaries and
arrangements she makes.
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Fix him something to eat.
Replies (7)
dkh on 07/6/2006 20:40:35
Actually according to my bible I can beat the crap out of her and she can't do crap about it. If that beeatch back talks me i just threaten to release her to the authorities and they will stone her... things were so much simpler in Jesus day
dkh on 07/6/2006 20:53:27
Im sorry i didnt mean that..... i was exposed to vary off base people in my childhood and youth... it bordered on child abuse.
One day at a time... breath in breath out.....
swez on 07/6/2006 21:16:09
Funny list and very comprehensive too. You neglected 1 key attribute:
"He must be able and willing to walk on water" at her command. Jesus took this one seriously and no woman, (not even his mother) would side-track him from his mission.
Ya know, life was so much more simple when men were men and women stayed home and tended to the family needs, raised the kids and cooked great meals. It worked pretty well for several thousand years. Now look at the mess we are in. With all this psycho-babble we get from the supposed experts, it's no wonder men are totally confused as to what their roles in life should be.
Here's where things stand today:
Men are wimps
Women are aggressive
Men are encouraged to be sensitive toward the weaker sex
Women are learning to dominate and "have it all baby"
Men are portrayed on TV as dummies, idiots and bumbling fools
Women are portrayed as competent, sexy, assertive and self-sufficient
Let's look back a few thousand years for a moment. Where did woman come from and what was her designated role in the "Garden of Edan"?
Adam was alone and had no suitable companion. God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. So, he caused Adam to go into a deep sleep and removed 1 rib from Adam's side and fashioned the 1st woman. Adam name her woman... "meaning flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone".
God gave Adam the job of naming all the animals and to study things around him. God made Adam a helper and companion to keep Adam from being alone. Her name was reportedly EVE.
Time goes by and all is right in the world until one day, a snake talks Eve into eating fruit from the "forbidden tree". Now tell me... "Why would Eve listen to a snake anyway?" Bad enough Eve disobeyed
the prime directive.... but no, she now gives the same fruit to Adam. He has a mental lapse and now both are doomed.
Suddenly, their bliss turns to horror and they run and hide. Eve gets the notion that she is fat, ugly and must now cover her body. Adam follows suit. Then, when God comes to visit with them later in the day. He calls them out of hiding and pronouces curses on both the man and woman. Naturally, Adam blames Eve and Eve blames the snake. Noone take responsibility for their actions and we all know the rest of the story.
What's the moral to this story?
1. If your wife talks to snakes... she needs some serious help
2. If the man tried to make sense of all this and accomodate her whims, he too is cast down
3. If men want to hang out and marry a woman, be prepared for many challenges, losing your garden and paying a heavy price when she screws things up!
Nuff said...
Resident Bible Student
PS DHK... Say 5 Hail Mary's, 4 Lord's prayers and go to your room without dinner tonight. You will be flogged at dawn with the cat of nine-tails as your punishment. That's 39 lashes bud... be ready. hehe
MrBrownstone on 07/7/2006 14:30:08
"..God Made Man in his own image. He made women after, from a rib..a cheap cut.."
-Archie Bunker
:=) It's just a joke you frickin Sallies, lighten up Francis
Rainbow on 07/17/2006 14:34:15
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, racing or football (though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't).
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
Because I'm a man, I'll allow you to make unimportant decisions like what we're going to eat and when, whether the bills are paid and if our children need to be taken to/fetched from somewhere. I'll make the important decisions like who'll be the next president, and which channel to watch.
dasss on 07/17/2006 17:57:27
man u have it down to the nail but, is there such a man ?
swez on 07/17/2006 21:28:58
Yes there are a lot of them out there... Archie Bunker, Mr. Brownstone and many of the guys on this site that took time to read Rainbow's thesis all the way through.
Also, guys who have been married a few years or more, can probably relate to most comments too. Guys who called it quits and got a divorce, will really resonate with this one.
Dang, where'd that remote go anyway? "Honey... can you fetch me a cold beer and some snacks? The game is on and I am glued to the set until the next commercial".
Swez
PS Well done there Rainbow... you have brought a big smile to an otherwise very ho-hum day... Thanks!
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little for himself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
54. give the authority but never expect her to be responsible
55. give her the last word no matter what the cost to your life and limb
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget: birthdays, anniversaries and
arrangements she makes.
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Fix him something to eat.
Replies (7)
dkh on 07/6/2006 20:40:35
Actually according to my bible I can beat the crap out of her and she can't do crap about it. If that beeatch back talks me i just threaten to release her to the authorities and they will stone her... things were so much simpler in Jesus day
dkh on 07/6/2006 20:53:27
Im sorry i didnt mean that..... i was exposed to vary off base people in my childhood and youth... it bordered on child abuse.
One day at a time... breath in breath out.....
swez on 07/6/2006 21:16:09
Funny list and very comprehensive too. You neglected 1 key attribute:
"He must be able and willing to walk on water" at her command. Jesus took this one seriously and no woman, (not even his mother) would side-track him from his mission.
Ya know, life was so much more simple when men were men and women stayed home and tended to the family needs, raised the kids and cooked great meals. It worked pretty well for several thousand years. Now look at the mess we are in. With all this psycho-babble we get from the supposed experts, it's no wonder men are totally confused as to what their roles in life should be.
Here's where things stand today:
Men are wimps
Women are aggressive
Men are encouraged to be sensitive toward the weaker sex
Women are learning to dominate and "have it all baby"
Men are portrayed on TV as dummies, idiots and bumbling fools
Women are portrayed as competent, sexy, assertive and self-sufficient
Let's look back a few thousand years for a moment. Where did woman come from and what was her designated role in the "Garden of Edan"?
Adam was alone and had no suitable companion. God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. So, he caused Adam to go into a deep sleep and removed 1 rib from Adam's side and fashioned the 1st woman. Adam name her woman... "meaning flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone".
God gave Adam the job of naming all the animals and to study things around him. God made Adam a helper and companion to keep Adam from being alone. Her name was reportedly EVE.
Time goes by and all is right in the world until one day, a snake talks Eve into eating fruit from the "forbidden tree". Now tell me... "Why would Eve listen to a snake anyway?" Bad enough Eve disobeyed
the prime directive.... but no, she now gives the same fruit to Adam. He has a mental lapse and now both are doomed.
Suddenly, their bliss turns to horror and they run and hide. Eve gets the notion that she is fat, ugly and must now cover her body. Adam follows suit. Then, when God comes to visit with them later in the day. He calls them out of hiding and pronouces curses on both the man and woman. Naturally, Adam blames Eve and Eve blames the snake. Noone take responsibility for their actions and we all know the rest of the story.
What's the moral to this story?
1. If your wife talks to snakes... she needs some serious help
2. If the man tried to make sense of all this and accomodate her whims, he too is cast down
3. If men want to hang out and marry a woman, be prepared for many challenges, losing your garden and paying a heavy price when she screws things up!
Nuff said...
Resident Bible Student
PS DHK... Say 5 Hail Mary's, 4 Lord's prayers and go to your room without dinner tonight. You will be flogged at dawn with the cat of nine-tails as your punishment. That's 39 lashes bud... be ready. hehe
MrBrownstone on 07/7/2006 14:30:08
"..God Made Man in his own image. He made women after, from a rib..a cheap cut.."
-Archie Bunker
:=) It's just a joke you frickin Sallies, lighten up Francis
Rainbow on 07/17/2006 14:34:15
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, racing or football (though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't).
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
Because I'm a man, I'll allow you to make unimportant decisions like what we're going to eat and when, whether the bills are paid and if our children need to be taken to/fetched from somewhere. I'll make the important decisions like who'll be the next president, and which channel to watch.
dasss on 07/17/2006 17:57:27
man u have it down to the nail but, is there such a man ?
swez on 07/17/2006 21:28:58
Yes there are a lot of them out there... Archie Bunker, Mr. Brownstone and many of the guys on this site that took time to read Rainbow's thesis all the way through.
Also, guys who have been married a few years or more, can probably relate to most comments too. Guys who called it quits and got a divorce, will really resonate with this one.
Dang, where'd that remote go anyway? "Honey... can you fetch me a cold beer and some snacks? The game is on and I am glued to the set until the next commercial".
Swez
PS Well done there Rainbow... you have brought a big smile to an otherwise very ho-hum day... Thanks!
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