Sorry, but I found a few I had to share
Blonde LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Replies (24)
ttocs on 09/29/2005 02:28:33
thank you and good night! Remember to tip you bartender and server, gonna be here all week! Ya don't have to go home but ya can't stay here.............
swez on 09/29/2005 10:27:00
Thanks for the comic relief Mr. B.
Oh... if you get tired of the sun and warm days all year long, can come for a visit to MI. (Say, late January or so) It should be bone chilling cold by then with adequate snow too. Don't want you to completely forget your roots ya know! Bring on the blond dancing girls! They'll help keep things warm on a cold winters' night. They can stay the night or better still... party til 1:00 AM and send them on their way.
How's the new job going bud?
Swez
PS Oh brother, I think I just opened up a fresh can of worms.
ttocs on 09/30/2005 00:07:30
good worms er bad worms?
MrBrownstone on 09/30/2005 02:57:31
Job? Slow first week post training. Typical.
Back to Michigan way? Dude, I left Minnecolda because of this time of the year.
Weather? It was 99 in El Cajon today (eastern suburb) although the beach was only like 81. Last night in Minnestrota, it was 18 F in Embarass. I guess that's why they call the town 'em Bare Arse...because it's bareassed cold.
The dancing girls, I can't believe it, but I haven't seen an unattractive woman yet...course I haven't been hanging around the flannel-wearing lesbos area yet.
ttocs on 09/30/2005 14:17:16
I don't think they have those areas in cali......
MrBrownstone on 09/30/2005 23:11:34
I'm afraid they do. Cali created the Lesbo community. Of course, being the meat in their love sandwich is a fantasy...just not the flannel-wearing ones.
I think they call that area San Francisco.
ttocs on 10/1/2005 01:46:42
those arn't chics mang........... I think they call them "teddy bears"...... Just make sure to check for the adams apple, I don't care if you have to move the beard first!
swez on 10/1/2005 06:02:34
LOL, ttocs is really on a roll this week!
Errrr, even if they have flannel sweats as they walk about, these things are removable under the right conditions. Just watch out for the spandex gals who try to pack 30 extra pounds into a 5 pound pair of same. You know, cellulite, (sp?) stretch marks, thunder thighs or bubble butts etc. It's amazing what some gals will try, to hide their bulging rears and hefty thighs. (if you happen to like that look, no prob)
More, is better to some folks??? The real issue is not so much looks, but what is between their ears. Do they have a brain? Can they carry on a reasonable converstation? Do they have a decent job to support themselves? Are they responsible with everyday life issues? These are issues that over ride just looking cute. Also, how do they handle PMS days?
Swez
MrBrownstone on 10/2/2005 22:16:20
Swez
Considering your last woman had a weight problem...you had to inflate her to 12 lbs per square inch...doesn't give you the right to make fun or other people's hoochies.
So a guy likes the
junk in the trunk
saddle bags
cushion for pushin'
jiggle wit dat wiggle
slappin the fannie and riding the wave in
doesn't mean she ain't all wo-min. Don't be hate-in.
!ttocs esta en fuego! woops...the latinas are wearing off on me.
'teddy bears' ahhhh don't you mean transformers...more than meets the eye? (1986 representing)
I agree with Swez that looks are not the most important thing, although I think he grossly overvalues women who can talk. HEYOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!! If they have a brain, they might backtalk you.
Personally, I've seen mucha latinas and I don't care if they say a word.
PS I understand that Swez was previously married to Peg Bundy.
ttocs on 10/2/2005 23:54:45
Never been married, I think I am happier single, dunno.... I have really been enjoying just dating around, no commitments, its all about me. Also never been into big girls. Yea sure, I want a brain(I guess), but there has to be an attraction as well.
I know what ya mean about the latinas, just amazing.... What ever is in the water that hurts us is obviously doing their body good.
Oh, an I had an optimus prime as a kid, and a pull-out(code protected!) as a punk kid.......... Of course in 86 i was 11.
swez on 10/3/2005 09:54:50
Having a brain is a good thing. She can think for herself and not pester you for every little detail. (but, there is a limit)
My Ex thought she had a well above average brain. (IQ of high 140's) Yes, she was pretty bright, but not smart enough to out fox this old fart. (long story there) Looks, yes, she was a cutie. Dressed up well too.
Talker? She would never shut up. Whatever came to her mind, came right outta her mouth. Sometimes, it bypassed the brain and came out the mouth anyway.
Beware of "shopoholics" !!! They can put one in the poorhouse.
1. One dining room suite $3,000
2. A bedroom suite $2,800
3. Clothing for the kids $3,000/yr/child
4. One exit door for the kids to get to the back yard $1,200
5. Cost of divorce (don't ask) Priceless, for the peace of mind I have now... hehe
Are you learning anything from my woes? (or is that Whoas')
Big gals? Not my cup o tea. The phrase "A few extra pounds" can mean pleasingly full figured to OMG... she's a hippo!
I am with ttocs on this matter. Enjoy being single. Spend your time and money, the way YOU want to.
If we get a bit lonely, call "Rent -a-Witch" and have at it. At the end of the weekend, she goes back to the rotation pool. It's a lot cheaper than owning and/or maintaining them.
Sorry if I am not painting a brighter picture here. If you really want to learn something, read this book: "Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus" by Dr. John Gray. He has a lot of very helpful hints on how to decode the female mindset.
(Ie: She says... "Will you just sit and talk to me?" Decoded message: " I'll have the floor and want to chain saw chatter you for a few hours while you don't say a word, OK?")
Finally, it is a well known fact that women are far more verbal than men. A man uses about 10-12,000 word a day. (most of them at work) A woman can easily muster 3X that much on a given day. That means... you come home after work with most of your words quota gone and she's just getting warmed up. The best we are likely to mutter at the end of a typical day are words like: Huh? Do What?, Yup, Nope, Dunno, Don't care, Whatever, Naw and the best one for "the last word" is... LATER!
Swez COFFEE
ttocs on 10/3/2005 15:05:57
love is grand, divorce is ten grand.............. So I hear(OVER AND OVER AND OVER.........)
I have had a few long term relationships and I have to say they have left a bad taste in my mouth. I am not swearing marrage off, who knows. I enjoy being me and doing all the things I do. I do not enjoy when things get in the way of letting me do what I want. So girls are all great and fun until they try to start changing me, and they always do.
I like the lease plan, there is always the option to buy but on the other hand you can get rid of that thing if ya need....
swez on 10/3/2005 17:24:46
Hummm, never heard that one before. "Love is grand, divorce is 10 grand?" In your dreams bud...if you have history and a few children together, it is way more than 10 grand over the life of the decree. If not much history and NO children involved, maybe 10 G's each, if both can agree on stuff.
No matter, single life can be a real blessing. Yes, it has its drawbacks too. But, if one is a confirmed bachelor, why not keep the sanity in check.
You're absolutely right ttocs! Women must be on a mission to change a man as soon as the ring gets placed through their noses.
Actually, I should give a more balanced point of view sometimes. Marriage to a great spouse, is the best thing that can happen to a prepared single. We have a permanent companion, a mate for life, someone to grow old with, someone to share our deepest thoughts & feelings with, a "safe sex" partner and if so inclined, make a few kidletts. Yes, there's more too. But, that's a good starter.
I guess the best comment I can muster here is, Go in with our eyes wide open and all mental systems on full alert. Get to know each other for at least 2 full years. If we can stay focused on knowing ourselves and learning our potential mate's habits... there's a 50/50 chance, things will go the distance. Flip a coin huh.
Swez
Victor on 10/3/2005 17:32:42
dave if u are here, get on yahoo a while for a chat...
ttocs on 10/3/2005 22:01:13
some body needs a hug!
swez on 10/4/2005 09:08:34
Yeah, that's probably very true. Hugs are always good!
Sorry for the rant. This has been a tough subject for me since getting divorced some 8 years ago. It was a horrible event in my life and the ongoing ramafications don't end when the judge signs the decree.
Yes, we had 2 great kids together. We are 300 miles apart and totally estranged. I have not seen nor heard boo from them in 3 years. That is the deepest hurt of all. Life has been an uphill struggle, ever since we separated. That is a deep loss to grieve.
All I know, is that I put my best efforts into this relationship, and it fell apart at the seams. I was lied to. Deceit and deception were all over this deal. When one invests so much of themselves in a relationship and it backfires on them, it leaves a huge void. Guess I still have issues to work out on the matter, but not here at CK.
Think I'll just shut up now and deal with these things in private. Again, sorry to act like such a turd. But it's hard to just push all that stuff aside and act like nothing bad, ever happened. Best I can say is... "Go into things with our eyes wide open and hope for the best, but also plan for the worst". (just in case things do go south)
Swez COFFEE
ttocs on 10/4/2005 16:17:58
I can understand now, didn't know man... I had a hard time when my last relationship ended a couple of years ago, just because I was amazed at how much she changed. It really was the best (in the beginning) relationship as well as the worst. To see how much she changed in the 4 yrs we were together has really turned me off to long term relationships. I realized about a year ago that I am happier when I am single. So it was a bit of a new start for me, but I didn't have any children so it is completly different then yours I think....
You can act like a turd on here when ever ya want. You can also hit up my email if ya need, be glad to help even though I never met ya.......
swez on 10/4/2005 16:58:38
That's exactly the idea... the first few years of a good relationship are often the best years. Yes, we all have moments when things don't go smoothly along the way, but that's pretty normal. But if both committed, they stay at it and work past the loggerheads.
It's kinda funny how the first 2 years can be great and almost conflict free... then out of the blue, stuff changes and then the rose colored glasses come off and sometimes, the sparring gloves (figuratively speaking of coarse) are put on and it's round after round of verbal and emotional sparring. Why is that?
One thing I am learning now.... "know thine own self well" !!! Learning to like and enjoy ones' own skin is a great plan. If we are content inside and learn how to manage outside conflicts well, the rest will fall into place with time, patience and honest efforts to grow.
I have not mastered this yet. But, I am not the man I used to be either. It's been a long road and more to come. But I can honestly say... "I like the guy I am becoming". If it were not for the hardships, I doubt the good changes would be here now.
In short, if we can become the best we can be, our chances of finding long term happiness in a relationship are greatly improved. A quality man, will attract a quality woman and visa-versa. I have heard and read that to be fact so many times, it must be true! So, here I go... on my way to becoming a quality man. Is there enough time left on earth to get there? SMILE
Swez
PS Many great books and writers out there on this subject. If any want a short list, just ask and I'll post them. Most of the authors I read are solid Christians. (but not all) They are gifted writers and use many of the wisdom principles contained within same.
PSS "Love" is not just an emotion. (ohhhweei-goowie feelings) It is about actions and attitudes we hold about ourselves and others.
One of the best songs I have ever heard on LOVE, is from Bryan Adams... "love a woman".
For bachelor types, a good one by Crosby, Steals the Cash and Runs.... "Love the one your with". Take your pick folks!
ttocs on 10/5/2005 02:59:23
I can't name love songs, ya got me there...
we're gonna make mr b puke ha ahh hahaha hahaha ah....
Where has he been, did he get lost in Mexico? Its seems out of place for him not to inject something about hispanic transvestite hookers in the middle of all this.....
swez on 10/5/2005 09:13:44
Yup, he's gonna gag when he comes back and sees what I've done to his post & threads.
Ttocs, you must be psychic! Mr. B. called me last night and the first 10 mins of our "fireside chat" was all hispanic-ese. Chiqitas,Chicanos, Chicagos, you name it... it all came flyin outta his mouth.
Am a bit concerned for his sanity now. I use to only think he was half crazy. Now, I know... he's almost bought the farm. (funny farm that is)
Imagine he'll turn up before the weekend to set us all straight though.
Swez COFFEE
MrBrownstone on 10/7/2005 00:58:41
TTOCS
"Where has he been, did he get lost in Mexico? Its seems out of place for him not to inject something about hispanic transvestite hookers in the middle of all this..... "
You see, I'm merely the comic relief in your lives. Kinda like Beetlejuice, Dave Chappelle in the movie "Robinhood...men in Tights" or George W...just here to keep you in stiches. I serve no real purpose other than to increase the population of southern California.
Swez and I have had similar issues at different times in our lives. I'm talking about a devastating relationship that has left us financially ruined, and a separation from kids...the differences were that the kids weren't mine, and I didn't marry the witch.
What I WASN'T talking about was the other problems he has...which I don't share. Things like:
Erectile dysfunction
Incontinence (Depends)
Sagging Nuts
Chester Drawers disease (when your chest fall into your drawers)
Lack of hair on everything but your back
Drinking prune juice instead of water
Using a walker
and other things.....
Its amazing, but it's the internet isn't the glue that keeps this group together, it's the hardships we've had. There are a lot of places we'd rather not go again and as a group, we've survived it.
To be honest, all I wanted to do with this post is make fun of some blondes. Ridiculing less intelligent creatures makes us feel better about ourselves. In fact, that's their job in life.
Here's my suggestion:
Nov 4th, we all go to Vegas, get cheap rooms (because we're not going to sleep sober anyway) get some cheap women.....do I need to finish this sentence?
Here's the itinerary:
1. Drink
2. Play poker
3. drink
4. meet cheap dames
or if you do it another way:
1. Liquor
2. Poker
1. Lick her
2. Poke her
Any questions?
MrBrownstone on 10/7/2005 01:02:07
PS
No transvestite hookers name Paco or Lupe for me. TTOCS, they're all yours.
swez on 10/7/2005 06:01:42
Oh boy, the "Badman from the Badlands" has finally caught us in the act.
Liquor, poker and cheap dates in Vegas huh? Hummm, have to look at my budget and see what elements can be shifted about to make that happen. (no, I don't know any "transformers" and don't care to either)
Mr. B. is spot on in a few selected areas noted earlier. Life has been tough on both of us. We both have experienced some major reversals and setbacks in life. We both know what it's like to have the proverbial rug pulled out from under our feet. It ain't fun. It ain't pretty. But, it does build character, a sense of purpose and motivates one to re-evaluate ones own priorities in life. Some just take longer to regroup from devastating life changes. (I'm a little slow in that department)
However, B's got a few of his other ideas a bit mixed up!
Erectile dysfunction [never had that one to contend with]
Incontinence (Depends) [A bald-faced lie]
Sagging Nuts [that's a definite possibility, have to look into that one, where's my magnifying glass... the string seems to be missing again]
Chester Drawers disease (when your chest fall into your drawers)
[I told you, it's "Dunlop's disease" dummy... when belly "done lops" over your belt]
Lack of hair on everything but your back [that's a lie... I am hairless all over]
Drinking prune juice instead of water [No way, beer is a better flush and fill kit]
Using a walker? [Ummm, there's one around here somewhere... but I can't use it when climbing tall ladders] Ohhh, do you mean Johnny Walker? I'm in for a bit of that, if ya got some... hehe Am fresh out!
====================================================
Ever feel like a hurrican evacuee? Here's a "POP QUIZ" to find out.
1. Your home is gone in one fell swoop
2. Family members and loved ones are displaced
3. Most of your belonging are unaccounted for
4. Your emploment evaporates
5. Have to go live with parents, relatives or friends or a shelter
6. Everyone around you is totally lost, (clueless of what to do next) even the dog
7. Go to the ATM, only to find it's out of money
If you can say yes to 4 or more of these things listed, go file a claim for Gov't. assistance. You are a hurrican evacuee. It could have a different name. (Not Rita, not Katrina) Mine was "Hurrican Anne", back in 1997. Odd though, living in the Midwest, we don't have hurricans per-se. However, all 7 on this above list are a reality at the moment. That one wiped me out!
===================================================
Thank God for a few friends here at CK, who have been there to help maintain a good sense of humor, a sense of sanity and a place to help others as we try to rebuild our broken lives.
I am also blessed with a supportive family. (parents and twin bro) A few close friends to talk to on the darker days and most of all, my faith in God. He is bigger than any of these challenges and has provided for all the primary needs we all have. (Food, clothing, shelter, transportation and a sense of hope for a brighter future)
Bless you all, for putting up with me, these past months, as I struggle to get traction and make forward progress on the highway of life. We will all hit some big potholes (or land in the ditch) along lifes' highway. But, when it's your turn and need roadside assistance, look up and ask for a leg up. Help will surely arrive in time.
We may not get all we want at times, but we will get what we need. I am living proof of that.... be a survivor and use all the wits we can muster. NEVER GIVE UP and good things will come back to us eventually. Follow the "Golden Rule". It does pay off!
While we are still waiting/searching for that day to come, reach out and help others. It's the best reward any man can ask for. That's one reason I am here. Get a real sense of satisfaction, helping others to reach their goals, even while I am still looking/waiting for my ship to come back into port.
Thanks guys! You are a real blessing to me and a good sanity break as well. It is good to be around younger men who have big ideas and plans. It refreshes the mind, body and soul.
Swez COFFEE
ttocs on 10/7/2005 10:26:51
I am not much of a drinker, be more then willing to be the designated driver if needed and vegas is a short ride..........
Blonde LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Replies (24)
ttocs on 09/29/2005 02:28:33
thank you and good night! Remember to tip you bartender and server, gonna be here all week! Ya don't have to go home but ya can't stay here.............
swez on 09/29/2005 10:27:00
Thanks for the comic relief Mr. B.
Oh... if you get tired of the sun and warm days all year long, can come for a visit to MI. (Say, late January or so) It should be bone chilling cold by then with adequate snow too. Don't want you to completely forget your roots ya know! Bring on the blond dancing girls! They'll help keep things warm on a cold winters' night. They can stay the night or better still... party til 1:00 AM and send them on their way.
How's the new job going bud?
Swez
PS Oh brother, I think I just opened up a fresh can of worms.
ttocs on 09/30/2005 00:07:30
good worms er bad worms?
MrBrownstone on 09/30/2005 02:57:31
Job? Slow first week post training. Typical.
Back to Michigan way? Dude, I left Minnecolda because of this time of the year.
Weather? It was 99 in El Cajon today (eastern suburb) although the beach was only like 81. Last night in Minnestrota, it was 18 F in Embarass. I guess that's why they call the town 'em Bare Arse...because it's bareassed cold.
The dancing girls, I can't believe it, but I haven't seen an unattractive woman yet...course I haven't been hanging around the flannel-wearing lesbos area yet.
ttocs on 09/30/2005 14:17:16
I don't think they have those areas in cali......
MrBrownstone on 09/30/2005 23:11:34
I'm afraid they do. Cali created the Lesbo community. Of course, being the meat in their love sandwich is a fantasy...just not the flannel-wearing ones.
I think they call that area San Francisco.
ttocs on 10/1/2005 01:46:42
those arn't chics mang........... I think they call them "teddy bears"...... Just make sure to check for the adams apple, I don't care if you have to move the beard first!
swez on 10/1/2005 06:02:34
LOL, ttocs is really on a roll this week!
Errrr, even if they have flannel sweats as they walk about, these things are removable under the right conditions. Just watch out for the spandex gals who try to pack 30 extra pounds into a 5 pound pair of same. You know, cellulite, (sp?) stretch marks, thunder thighs or bubble butts etc. It's amazing what some gals will try, to hide their bulging rears and hefty thighs. (if you happen to like that look, no prob)
More, is better to some folks??? The real issue is not so much looks, but what is between their ears. Do they have a brain? Can they carry on a reasonable converstation? Do they have a decent job to support themselves? Are they responsible with everyday life issues? These are issues that over ride just looking cute. Also, how do they handle PMS days?
Swez
MrBrownstone on 10/2/2005 22:16:20
Swez
Considering your last woman had a weight problem...you had to inflate her to 12 lbs per square inch...doesn't give you the right to make fun or other people's hoochies.
So a guy likes the
junk in the trunk
saddle bags
cushion for pushin'
jiggle wit dat wiggle
slappin the fannie and riding the wave in
doesn't mean she ain't all wo-min. Don't be hate-in.
!ttocs esta en fuego! woops...the latinas are wearing off on me.
'teddy bears' ahhhh don't you mean transformers...more than meets the eye? (1986 representing)
I agree with Swez that looks are not the most important thing, although I think he grossly overvalues women who can talk. HEYOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!! If they have a brain, they might backtalk you.
Personally, I've seen mucha latinas and I don't care if they say a word.
PS I understand that Swez was previously married to Peg Bundy.
ttocs on 10/2/2005 23:54:45
Never been married, I think I am happier single, dunno.... I have really been enjoying just dating around, no commitments, its all about me. Also never been into big girls. Yea sure, I want a brain(I guess), but there has to be an attraction as well.
I know what ya mean about the latinas, just amazing.... What ever is in the water that hurts us is obviously doing their body good.
Oh, an I had an optimus prime as a kid, and a pull-out(code protected!) as a punk kid.......... Of course in 86 i was 11.
swez on 10/3/2005 09:54:50
Having a brain is a good thing. She can think for herself and not pester you for every little detail. (but, there is a limit)
My Ex thought she had a well above average brain. (IQ of high 140's) Yes, she was pretty bright, but not smart enough to out fox this old fart. (long story there) Looks, yes, she was a cutie. Dressed up well too.
Talker? She would never shut up. Whatever came to her mind, came right outta her mouth. Sometimes, it bypassed the brain and came out the mouth anyway.
Beware of "shopoholics" !!! They can put one in the poorhouse.
1. One dining room suite $3,000
2. A bedroom suite $2,800
3. Clothing for the kids $3,000/yr/child
4. One exit door for the kids to get to the back yard $1,200
5. Cost of divorce (don't ask) Priceless, for the peace of mind I have now... hehe
Are you learning anything from my woes? (or is that Whoas')
Big gals? Not my cup o tea. The phrase "A few extra pounds" can mean pleasingly full figured to OMG... she's a hippo!
I am with ttocs on this matter. Enjoy being single. Spend your time and money, the way YOU want to.
If we get a bit lonely, call "Rent -a-Witch" and have at it. At the end of the weekend, she goes back to the rotation pool. It's a lot cheaper than owning and/or maintaining them.
Sorry if I am not painting a brighter picture here. If you really want to learn something, read this book: "Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus" by Dr. John Gray. He has a lot of very helpful hints on how to decode the female mindset.
(Ie: She says... "Will you just sit and talk to me?" Decoded message: " I'll have the floor and want to chain saw chatter you for a few hours while you don't say a word, OK?")
Finally, it is a well known fact that women are far more verbal than men. A man uses about 10-12,000 word a day. (most of them at work) A woman can easily muster 3X that much on a given day. That means... you come home after work with most of your words quota gone and she's just getting warmed up. The best we are likely to mutter at the end of a typical day are words like: Huh? Do What?, Yup, Nope, Dunno, Don't care, Whatever, Naw and the best one for "the last word" is... LATER!
Swez COFFEE
ttocs on 10/3/2005 15:05:57
love is grand, divorce is ten grand.............. So I hear(OVER AND OVER AND OVER.........)
I have had a few long term relationships and I have to say they have left a bad taste in my mouth. I am not swearing marrage off, who knows. I enjoy being me and doing all the things I do. I do not enjoy when things get in the way of letting me do what I want. So girls are all great and fun until they try to start changing me, and they always do.
I like the lease plan, there is always the option to buy but on the other hand you can get rid of that thing if ya need....
swez on 10/3/2005 17:24:46
Hummm, never heard that one before. "Love is grand, divorce is 10 grand?" In your dreams bud...if you have history and a few children together, it is way more than 10 grand over the life of the decree. If not much history and NO children involved, maybe 10 G's each, if both can agree on stuff.
No matter, single life can be a real blessing. Yes, it has its drawbacks too. But, if one is a confirmed bachelor, why not keep the sanity in check.
You're absolutely right ttocs! Women must be on a mission to change a man as soon as the ring gets placed through their noses.
Actually, I should give a more balanced point of view sometimes. Marriage to a great spouse, is the best thing that can happen to a prepared single. We have a permanent companion, a mate for life, someone to grow old with, someone to share our deepest thoughts & feelings with, a "safe sex" partner and if so inclined, make a few kidletts. Yes, there's more too. But, that's a good starter.
I guess the best comment I can muster here is, Go in with our eyes wide open and all mental systems on full alert. Get to know each other for at least 2 full years. If we can stay focused on knowing ourselves and learning our potential mate's habits... there's a 50/50 chance, things will go the distance. Flip a coin huh.
Swez
Victor on 10/3/2005 17:32:42
dave if u are here, get on yahoo a while for a chat...
ttocs on 10/3/2005 22:01:13
some body needs a hug!
swez on 10/4/2005 09:08:34
Yeah, that's probably very true. Hugs are always good!
Sorry for the rant. This has been a tough subject for me since getting divorced some 8 years ago. It was a horrible event in my life and the ongoing ramafications don't end when the judge signs the decree.
Yes, we had 2 great kids together. We are 300 miles apart and totally estranged. I have not seen nor heard boo from them in 3 years. That is the deepest hurt of all. Life has been an uphill struggle, ever since we separated. That is a deep loss to grieve.
All I know, is that I put my best efforts into this relationship, and it fell apart at the seams. I was lied to. Deceit and deception were all over this deal. When one invests so much of themselves in a relationship and it backfires on them, it leaves a huge void. Guess I still have issues to work out on the matter, but not here at CK.
Think I'll just shut up now and deal with these things in private. Again, sorry to act like such a turd. But it's hard to just push all that stuff aside and act like nothing bad, ever happened. Best I can say is... "Go into things with our eyes wide open and hope for the best, but also plan for the worst". (just in case things do go south)
Swez COFFEE
ttocs on 10/4/2005 16:17:58
I can understand now, didn't know man... I had a hard time when my last relationship ended a couple of years ago, just because I was amazed at how much she changed. It really was the best (in the beginning) relationship as well as the worst. To see how much she changed in the 4 yrs we were together has really turned me off to long term relationships. I realized about a year ago that I am happier when I am single. So it was a bit of a new start for me, but I didn't have any children so it is completly different then yours I think....
You can act like a turd on here when ever ya want. You can also hit up my email if ya need, be glad to help even though I never met ya.......
swez on 10/4/2005 16:58:38
That's exactly the idea... the first few years of a good relationship are often the best years. Yes, we all have moments when things don't go smoothly along the way, but that's pretty normal. But if both committed, they stay at it and work past the loggerheads.
It's kinda funny how the first 2 years can be great and almost conflict free... then out of the blue, stuff changes and then the rose colored glasses come off and sometimes, the sparring gloves (figuratively speaking of coarse) are put on and it's round after round of verbal and emotional sparring. Why is that?
One thing I am learning now.... "know thine own self well" !!! Learning to like and enjoy ones' own skin is a great plan. If we are content inside and learn how to manage outside conflicts well, the rest will fall into place with time, patience and honest efforts to grow.
I have not mastered this yet. But, I am not the man I used to be either. It's been a long road and more to come. But I can honestly say... "I like the guy I am becoming". If it were not for the hardships, I doubt the good changes would be here now.
In short, if we can become the best we can be, our chances of finding long term happiness in a relationship are greatly improved. A quality man, will attract a quality woman and visa-versa. I have heard and read that to be fact so many times, it must be true! So, here I go... on my way to becoming a quality man. Is there enough time left on earth to get there? SMILE
Swez
PS Many great books and writers out there on this subject. If any want a short list, just ask and I'll post them. Most of the authors I read are solid Christians. (but not all) They are gifted writers and use many of the wisdom principles contained within same.
PSS "Love" is not just an emotion. (ohhhweei-goowie feelings) It is about actions and attitudes we hold about ourselves and others.
One of the best songs I have ever heard on LOVE, is from Bryan Adams... "love a woman".
For bachelor types, a good one by Crosby, Steals the Cash and Runs.... "Love the one your with". Take your pick folks!
ttocs on 10/5/2005 02:59:23
I can't name love songs, ya got me there...
we're gonna make mr b puke ha ahh hahaha hahaha ah....
Where has he been, did he get lost in Mexico? Its seems out of place for him not to inject something about hispanic transvestite hookers in the middle of all this.....
swez on 10/5/2005 09:13:44
Yup, he's gonna gag when he comes back and sees what I've done to his post & threads.
Ttocs, you must be psychic! Mr. B. called me last night and the first 10 mins of our "fireside chat" was all hispanic-ese. Chiqitas,Chicanos, Chicagos, you name it... it all came flyin outta his mouth.
Am a bit concerned for his sanity now. I use to only think he was half crazy. Now, I know... he's almost bought the farm. (funny farm that is)
Imagine he'll turn up before the weekend to set us all straight though.
Swez COFFEE
MrBrownstone on 10/7/2005 00:58:41
TTOCS
"Where has he been, did he get lost in Mexico? Its seems out of place for him not to inject something about hispanic transvestite hookers in the middle of all this..... "
You see, I'm merely the comic relief in your lives. Kinda like Beetlejuice, Dave Chappelle in the movie "Robinhood...men in Tights" or George W...just here to keep you in stiches. I serve no real purpose other than to increase the population of southern California.
Swez and I have had similar issues at different times in our lives. I'm talking about a devastating relationship that has left us financially ruined, and a separation from kids...the differences were that the kids weren't mine, and I didn't marry the witch.
What I WASN'T talking about was the other problems he has...which I don't share. Things like:
Erectile dysfunction
Incontinence (Depends)
Sagging Nuts
Chester Drawers disease (when your chest fall into your drawers)
Lack of hair on everything but your back
Drinking prune juice instead of water
Using a walker
and other things.....
Its amazing, but it's the internet isn't the glue that keeps this group together, it's the hardships we've had. There are a lot of places we'd rather not go again and as a group, we've survived it.
To be honest, all I wanted to do with this post is make fun of some blondes. Ridiculing less intelligent creatures makes us feel better about ourselves. In fact, that's their job in life.
Here's my suggestion:
Nov 4th, we all go to Vegas, get cheap rooms (because we're not going to sleep sober anyway) get some cheap women.....do I need to finish this sentence?
Here's the itinerary:
1. Drink
2. Play poker
3. drink
4. meet cheap dames
or if you do it another way:
1. Liquor
2. Poker
1. Lick her
2. Poke her
Any questions?
MrBrownstone on 10/7/2005 01:02:07
PS
No transvestite hookers name Paco or Lupe for me. TTOCS, they're all yours.
swez on 10/7/2005 06:01:42
Oh boy, the "Badman from the Badlands" has finally caught us in the act.
Liquor, poker and cheap dates in Vegas huh? Hummm, have to look at my budget and see what elements can be shifted about to make that happen. (no, I don't know any "transformers" and don't care to either)
Mr. B. is spot on in a few selected areas noted earlier. Life has been tough on both of us. We both have experienced some major reversals and setbacks in life. We both know what it's like to have the proverbial rug pulled out from under our feet. It ain't fun. It ain't pretty. But, it does build character, a sense of purpose and motivates one to re-evaluate ones own priorities in life. Some just take longer to regroup from devastating life changes. (I'm a little slow in that department)
However, B's got a few of his other ideas a bit mixed up!
Erectile dysfunction [never had that one to contend with]
Incontinence (Depends) [A bald-faced lie]
Sagging Nuts [that's a definite possibility, have to look into that one, where's my magnifying glass... the string seems to be missing again]
Chester Drawers disease (when your chest fall into your drawers)
[I told you, it's "Dunlop's disease" dummy... when belly "done lops" over your belt]
Lack of hair on everything but your back [that's a lie... I am hairless all over]
Drinking prune juice instead of water [No way, beer is a better flush and fill kit]
Using a walker? [Ummm, there's one around here somewhere... but I can't use it when climbing tall ladders] Ohhh, do you mean Johnny Walker? I'm in for a bit of that, if ya got some... hehe Am fresh out!
====================================================
Ever feel like a hurrican evacuee? Here's a "POP QUIZ" to find out.
1. Your home is gone in one fell swoop
2. Family members and loved ones are displaced
3. Most of your belonging are unaccounted for
4. Your emploment evaporates
5. Have to go live with parents, relatives or friends or a shelter
6. Everyone around you is totally lost, (clueless of what to do next) even the dog
7. Go to the ATM, only to find it's out of money
If you can say yes to 4 or more of these things listed, go file a claim for Gov't. assistance. You are a hurrican evacuee. It could have a different name. (Not Rita, not Katrina) Mine was "Hurrican Anne", back in 1997. Odd though, living in the Midwest, we don't have hurricans per-se. However, all 7 on this above list are a reality at the moment. That one wiped me out!
===================================================
Thank God for a few friends here at CK, who have been there to help maintain a good sense of humor, a sense of sanity and a place to help others as we try to rebuild our broken lives.
I am also blessed with a supportive family. (parents and twin bro) A few close friends to talk to on the darker days and most of all, my faith in God. He is bigger than any of these challenges and has provided for all the primary needs we all have. (Food, clothing, shelter, transportation and a sense of hope for a brighter future)
Bless you all, for putting up with me, these past months, as I struggle to get traction and make forward progress on the highway of life. We will all hit some big potholes (or land in the ditch) along lifes' highway. But, when it's your turn and need roadside assistance, look up and ask for a leg up. Help will surely arrive in time.
We may not get all we want at times, but we will get what we need. I am living proof of that.... be a survivor and use all the wits we can muster. NEVER GIVE UP and good things will come back to us eventually. Follow the "Golden Rule". It does pay off!
While we are still waiting/searching for that day to come, reach out and help others. It's the best reward any man can ask for. That's one reason I am here. Get a real sense of satisfaction, helping others to reach their goals, even while I am still looking/waiting for my ship to come back into port.
Thanks guys! You are a real blessing to me and a good sanity break as well. It is good to be around younger men who have big ideas and plans. It refreshes the mind, body and soul.
Swez COFFEE
ttocs on 10/7/2005 10:26:51
I am not much of a drinker, be more then willing to be the designated driver if needed and vegas is a short ride..........
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