SWEZ's YOUNG GIRLFRIEND
Swez asked his young girlfriend to get him Head & Shoulders from the store, but she didn't know how to give shoulders.
Replies (40)
gearhead on 03/1/2005 17:47:50
I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.
Victor on 03/1/2005 17:57:42
eh..!! what wud that mean..?? hehe.. please elaborate...lol
Victor...
MrBrownstone on 03/1/2005 19:17:15
Old guys make cracks at young guys, and vice versa. I am considered a young guy since I'm 1/2 Swez's age.
Actually, noone is sure of Swez's age. Because of his Sometimers (sometimes he remembers, others he doesn't), he's afraid to go to the doctors office. Therefore, I take him to the paleontologists office to have him radiocarbon dated.
He's between 1 and 5 BC for age (2006 to 20010 yrs old.
Speaking of Radiocarbon-dated, I think that's the last date he or I have had. So technically, we could make old jokes about me.
OLD JOKES
Viagra (careful)
Eyesight
Athleticism
Continence
Hearing Problems
Drive slow with blinker on.
YOUNG JOKES
Inexperienced
Minuteman
Dating your teachers
Music doesn't have any sound above 60Hz
Basically, it's pitting "He's SOOOOOLD" jokes. Surprise me.
uochronos on 03/1/2005 21:12:53
Swez may be old but i heard you had jesus sign your year book Mr.B
Chronos
Victor on 03/1/2005 22:29:22
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe...................lol..
nice going chronos.. Mr.B gotta reply to this one..hehe
Victor..
UKinstaller on 03/1/2005 22:48:19
"ya momma so old she farts dust"
-UK
uochronos on 03/2/2005 00:42:56
Mr.B is so old that his Social Security number is 12...
Chronos
uochronos on 03/2/2005 01:13:09
Mr.B is so old that his receeding hair line stops at his mid back.
Chronos
uochronos on 03/2/2005 01:25:47
Now i'm not saying Mr.B is old or anything but he had to use a walker while jesus was in diapers.
When Mr.B went and saw jurasic park it brought back memories of child hood.
Mr.B's first introduction to sound systems was DJing at the boston tea party.
Mr.B is so old that him and swez went to a antique shop and they made swez and offer for him.
Mr.B is so old that the candles cost more then the cake at his birthday.
Mr.B is so old he was there when the dead sea was only sick.
Ok i think i have spent enough time on this lol
Chronos
gearhead on 03/2/2005 01:53:12
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were attending the wake of their good friend Pierre. While they were standing at the casket, Thibodeaux was saying his goodbyes,
Thibodeaux: "Pierre, you was a good friend to everybody, a good husband to your wife, a good father to your children, a good hunter, fisherman, pirogue builder, and cook. You gonna be missed by the whole community Pierre.".
Boudreaux: "Thibodeaux, that was some really nice words what you said about Pierre. I hope you can say the same things about me when you standin at my casket".
Thibodeaux: "Don't worry Boudreaux, I gonna be able to say the same things bout you too!".
Boudreaux: "What you want them to say about you when they standin at your casket Thibodeaux?"
Thibodeaux: "I want them to say, Look! Thibodeaux's still movin!"
uochronos on 03/2/2005 01:56:40
lol that one fits in both the age catagory and the N vs. S one lol...
good one gear head.
Chronos
PS
if you dont Mr.B then i think tommarow i may have to start the West Vs East thread... i have some good ones for that:)
swez on 03/2/2005 04:13:32
Alright.... this is getting pretty good reviews by the troops. May I point out the obvious?
When I was a teenager, B. was just a gleam in his father's eye.
When I was in my early 20's, Baby B. was crapping in his pampers.
When I was in my early 30's and having kids, kidlett B. was just starting middle school.
Now that I am in my latter 40's, Mr. B. (and many of you guys) are working very diligently to keep my Social Security Benefits in tact. I'd take my hat off to all... but it is firmly stapled to my skull.
See, God so loves a chosen few, he gives them an enlarged face that extends well above the forehead and retreats even further with age. I hope to keep the bacon strip above my ears... so my glasses will stay put.
About that young g/f.... she's outta here! Not only did she not give good shoulders, but her heading was pretty lame as well. Time to find a more experience babe eh?
Oh, on a side note... two bulls at the top of a bluff were chatting. B was the young bull... Swez is the older and wiser bull. B says... "Hey Swez... look at all those young hefers down in the pasture. Let's charge down there and mate a couple of them"?
Older bull Swez replies... " I think I just walk down easy like, and mate em all"!
See there, it wisdom that come with age. Mind your manners Ole Wet Behind The Ears. LOL
Swez
uochronos on 03/2/2005 05:16:20
hehe i figured Mr.B was younger then ya swez... but his older then me so fair game hehe..
this sort of tied into my theme of the day hehe... it was my dads birthday and every year i compile a list of... "your so old" comments for him... keep him laughing all night.
Chronos
ttocs on 03/2/2005 11:21:45
receeding hairline? Na, that is from making u-turns under the covers.....
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:07:36
Thanks guys for the old jokes. Now, we need some YOUNG jokes. That's assuming there's some advantage to being old. Swez, a little help here? I consider myself on the Young side, so I'm no help. :-) Actually, I'll have some tomorrow.
Good stuff guys. I'm going to be using some for my Mom & Dad's upcoming 40th wedding anniversary. here: my one..
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:09:51
RETIRED TOO LONG
Swez has been retired so long, he didn't fill out taxes for 15 years. When I talked to him, he asked me what a W2 form was. To him, he thought a W-2 was a rarely called Bingo number....
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:19:04
quote from ttocs:
receeding hairline? Na, that is from making u-turns under the covers....
Dude, at Swez's age, you don't do 69. You're lucky you can finish his girlfriends #5 from the Denny's senior menu.
:-P Oh! That hurts
uochronos on 03/2/2005 17:19:49
LMAO thats a good one...
Chronos
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:29:23
I heard Houghton/Mifflin bought Swez's diary and intends to use it as a civil war textbook.
Swez is the only guy I know that have voted for every winning presidential candidate since Julius Caesar.
Swez is so old, he went to 4 millenium parties. He was sick in 2000BC.
Swez owned land in all 13 original colonies--when they were colonies.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:43:23
YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE NO RESPECT
You kids got no respect for your elders. I saw a young boy scout (Victor) helping an old lady 1/2 way across the street.
I heard some of you young guys didn't know you were 12 til you were 15.
I heard Uochronos ran away from home, and his parents never found him. Course, they never looked.
I recently took a little kid to the zoo. I had to buy him 2 tickets: 1) to get him in, 2) to get him out of the monkey cage
I tell ya, you schoolkids having 'presidential' relations with your teachers. They grow up fast now. They go from Puberty to Adultery.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:44:31
THESE KIDS, We pay for their colleges
I can't believe that the best thing to graduate from an American College this year is a kid we educated in linquistics. Now, I find dirty poems on the bathroom walls in 3 or 4 languages.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:46:12
BABY'S MAMMAs???
I don't understand you kids. I overhead a doctor asking a girl, "Do you know what oral contraceptives are?" She said, "NO" He said, "Exactly!"
And how about JoAnn Fabric and Paper Warehouse. They just started a new line of party supplies. They now make Graduation gowns in Maternity sizes.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:47:32
COLLEGE KIDS--Girls Gone Wild
I tell ya, these college kids are really thoughful of their parents. Every year, the girls all go to Cancun to get a Breast Exam by amateur gynecologists!
I heard the new trend in saving money in college....kids are saving their parents a lot of money this year by flunking out last year.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:49:15
GIRLS GONE WILD
I met a college grad student the other day. Everybody called her Alma Mater because she 'educated' so many college guys as an undergrad.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:50:55
3 MILES UP HILL BOTH WAYS
...is how Swez & I went to school. We had to walk 3 miles up hill both ways in 3 feet of snow with no shoes. And you never heard us complain.
Now, kids have to walk 1 block to a bus.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:51:27
TEENAGERS
Teenagers...Too old to say something cute, too young to say something intelligent.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:58:22
NO AMBITION AT ALL IN THESE KIDS
I recently was asked to take an aptitude test so that College kids could be compared to actual working professionals. They took all age groups: 15-25, 26-34, 35-49, 50-65, and 65+.
They found that the average lazy college student was best suited for early retirement.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:59:13
YOUNG MARRIAGE & DIVORCE
I heard of a young couple that got baptised and married at the same time. When they got divorced, they sought for custody of the OxyClean
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:59:47
As a youngster, Uochronos was given a rattle by his parents. Course, the snake was still attached to the rattle.
montego_27 on 03/3/2005 15:42:01
I've run restaurants and nightclubs for quite a while now,and I've had a lot of younger people work for me over the years. One thing that will always hold true is "Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill" Nuff said.......
uochronos on 03/3/2005 17:15:11
what Mr.B doesnt say is i was such a brave youngster that i strangled that snake using my bib strings and then raosted it!:)
"...is how Swez & I went to school. We had to walk 3 miles up hill both ways in 3 feet of snow with no shoes. And you never heard us complain."
I tell my sister and her high school friends that all the time lol they always treat me like i'm ancient even though i'm only 4 or 5 years older then most of them lol.
Chronos
Victor on 03/4/2005 01:15:40
It seems Mr.B has lost his senses.. He is too frustrated because of his growing age.. Poor Mr.B, he wants to be young again. thats why he's playing with words just like we young guys play with our "Tool"....
hehehehehehehehehehe
swez on 03/4/2005 08:31:53
Dunno about this... but it's high time fire back some cheap shots to my ole buddy Mr. B. However, I need some ammo. Am not well versed in this form of banter and could use some cannon fodder from the crew here.
We cannot use blond jokes as he is not blond. Can say "I've gotten better IM's from a drunken monkey"... or "That's not funny. Not even in the same zip code as funny"... or "It's 10:00, do you know where your brain is"?
Oh, Mr.B.... have you ever smelled "moth balls"? (yes) How did you get their legs apart? LOL
To turn one back on him.... Mr. B is often a few fries short of a Happy Meal !!!
Like I said, could use some quality taunts and wise cracks to fill in the gaps. Geez O Peas.... he's got me out gunned in this arena. HELP?
Swez
danielm87 on 03/4/2005 11:18:53
I'd love to help ya Dave, but IM ONLY 23 YEARS OLD! HAH! YA OLD PILE OF DIRT!
Now for two lame jokes aimed at Swez and 28 funny jokes aimed at ancient old timers..also, Swez.
- Swez is so old he left his wallet on Noah's Ark........
- Swez is so old he's got his OWN autographed copy of the bible......
- YOU KNOW YOURE GETTING OLD WHEN =
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
LONG LIVE YOUNG PEOPLE
MrBrownstone on 03/4/2005 11:50:58
What can I say. I'm at the summit of my career of humor. That means it's all downhill from here.
Just when I thought I was beat by Victor & Uochronos, I make a comeback. I'm not dead just yet. You may have to tie a porkchop to my neck to get the dog to play with me, but at my age, I see a pork chop and I'm not wasting it on a dog.
I think we've reached the twilight of the OLD jokes. We REEEEEEEALLY need some young jokes. I've 'shot my load' on those for a while, so if noone else has any more, I'm not going to continue to beat up on old guys like Swez.
I mean, cmon. After all, Swez wrote the original Magna Carta.
uochronos on 03/4/2005 13:49:00
OK timew to set some things stright first off Mr.B thats not a pork chop thats a piece of tire...
Second off forget the pork chop your so old we have to tie 100$ bills around your neck to get women to play with you...
Chronos
swez on 03/4/2005 20:28:35
Jumpin' Jehosophat guys... ask for a little help here and get more insults.
Well, it is true... I did help write the Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights, an advisor to Ben Franklin on his part in drafting the Constitution and part of the Bible as well. (Exodus) Was the scribe for Moses back then. However, my Hebrew is a bit rusty after 3000 years.
About the $100 bills around the neck.... naw! Have a better option. A key to the Ritz Carlton VIP Suites. My old chronies gave me one when they are not using it.
Nuff said,
Swez
danielm87 on 03/4/2005 22:03:20
IGNORANCE OF YOUTH
A young man was walking along the shore and found a lantern washed ashore. He picked it up and was brushing the sand off of it. Suddenly a genie appeared in a puff of smoke. He said, I am the djinn of Timbuktu; He that finds me has two wishes. Amazed, the young man thought for a moment. *Two wishes, huh? What I wish is that I can always be hard and that I can get all the ass I want." "As you wish," said the genie, and he promptly turned the young man into a toilet seat.
Life comes and goes in a flicker, soon enough we'll all be in diapers again....making weekly runs to the store for Depends adult underwear....JUST LIKE SWEZ
uochronos on 03/5/2005 05:14:39
funny how life cycles. your born and you start craping in your pants no sooner do they get you taught and you turn about 16 start partying and drinking and your pissing in your pants again... no sooner do you realize that you dont have to get that drunk and dont need to piss in your pants and you realize your so old you cant stop it anymore..
Chronos
i think i covered all the age ranges there lol
Victor on 03/5/2005 15:04:14
old is gold...
Swez asked his young girlfriend to get him Head & Shoulders from the store, but she didn't know how to give shoulders.
Replies (40)
gearhead on 03/1/2005 17:47:50
I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.
Victor on 03/1/2005 17:57:42
eh..!! what wud that mean..?? hehe.. please elaborate...lol
Victor...
MrBrownstone on 03/1/2005 19:17:15
Old guys make cracks at young guys, and vice versa. I am considered a young guy since I'm 1/2 Swez's age.
Actually, noone is sure of Swez's age. Because of his Sometimers (sometimes he remembers, others he doesn't), he's afraid to go to the doctors office. Therefore, I take him to the paleontologists office to have him radiocarbon dated.
He's between 1 and 5 BC for age (2006 to 20010 yrs old.
Speaking of Radiocarbon-dated, I think that's the last date he or I have had. So technically, we could make old jokes about me.
OLD JOKES
Viagra (careful)
Eyesight
Athleticism
Continence
Hearing Problems
Drive slow with blinker on.
YOUNG JOKES
Inexperienced
Minuteman
Dating your teachers
Music doesn't have any sound above 60Hz
Basically, it's pitting "He's SOOOOOLD" jokes. Surprise me.
uochronos on 03/1/2005 21:12:53
Swez may be old but i heard you had jesus sign your year book Mr.B
Chronos
Victor on 03/1/2005 22:29:22
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe...................lol..
nice going chronos.. Mr.B gotta reply to this one..hehe
Victor..
UKinstaller on 03/1/2005 22:48:19
"ya momma so old she farts dust"
-UK
uochronos on 03/2/2005 00:42:56
Mr.B is so old that his Social Security number is 12...
Chronos
uochronos on 03/2/2005 01:13:09
Mr.B is so old that his receeding hair line stops at his mid back.
Chronos
uochronos on 03/2/2005 01:25:47
Now i'm not saying Mr.B is old or anything but he had to use a walker while jesus was in diapers.
When Mr.B went and saw jurasic park it brought back memories of child hood.
Mr.B's first introduction to sound systems was DJing at the boston tea party.
Mr.B is so old that him and swez went to a antique shop and they made swez and offer for him.
Mr.B is so old that the candles cost more then the cake at his birthday.
Mr.B is so old he was there when the dead sea was only sick.
Ok i think i have spent enough time on this lol
Chronos
gearhead on 03/2/2005 01:53:12
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were attending the wake of their good friend Pierre. While they were standing at the casket, Thibodeaux was saying his goodbyes,
Thibodeaux: "Pierre, you was a good friend to everybody, a good husband to your wife, a good father to your children, a good hunter, fisherman, pirogue builder, and cook. You gonna be missed by the whole community Pierre.".
Boudreaux: "Thibodeaux, that was some really nice words what you said about Pierre. I hope you can say the same things about me when you standin at my casket".
Thibodeaux: "Don't worry Boudreaux, I gonna be able to say the same things bout you too!".
Boudreaux: "What you want them to say about you when they standin at your casket Thibodeaux?"
Thibodeaux: "I want them to say, Look! Thibodeaux's still movin!"
uochronos on 03/2/2005 01:56:40
lol that one fits in both the age catagory and the N vs. S one lol...
good one gear head.
Chronos
PS
if you dont Mr.B then i think tommarow i may have to start the West Vs East thread... i have some good ones for that:)
swez on 03/2/2005 04:13:32
Alright.... this is getting pretty good reviews by the troops. May I point out the obvious?
When I was a teenager, B. was just a gleam in his father's eye.
When I was in my early 20's, Baby B. was crapping in his pampers.
When I was in my early 30's and having kids, kidlett B. was just starting middle school.
Now that I am in my latter 40's, Mr. B. (and many of you guys) are working very diligently to keep my Social Security Benefits in tact. I'd take my hat off to all... but it is firmly stapled to my skull.
See, God so loves a chosen few, he gives them an enlarged face that extends well above the forehead and retreats even further with age. I hope to keep the bacon strip above my ears... so my glasses will stay put.
About that young g/f.... she's outta here! Not only did she not give good shoulders, but her heading was pretty lame as well. Time to find a more experience babe eh?
Oh, on a side note... two bulls at the top of a bluff were chatting. B was the young bull... Swez is the older and wiser bull. B says... "Hey Swez... look at all those young hefers down in the pasture. Let's charge down there and mate a couple of them"?
Older bull Swez replies... " I think I just walk down easy like, and mate em all"!
See there, it wisdom that come with age. Mind your manners Ole Wet Behind The Ears. LOL
Swez
uochronos on 03/2/2005 05:16:20
hehe i figured Mr.B was younger then ya swez... but his older then me so fair game hehe..
this sort of tied into my theme of the day hehe... it was my dads birthday and every year i compile a list of... "your so old" comments for him... keep him laughing all night.
Chronos
ttocs on 03/2/2005 11:21:45
receeding hairline? Na, that is from making u-turns under the covers.....
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:07:36
Thanks guys for the old jokes. Now, we need some YOUNG jokes. That's assuming there's some advantage to being old. Swez, a little help here? I consider myself on the Young side, so I'm no help. :-) Actually, I'll have some tomorrow.
Good stuff guys. I'm going to be using some for my Mom & Dad's upcoming 40th wedding anniversary. here: my one..
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:09:51
RETIRED TOO LONG
Swez has been retired so long, he didn't fill out taxes for 15 years. When I talked to him, he asked me what a W2 form was. To him, he thought a W-2 was a rarely called Bingo number....
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:19:04
quote from ttocs:
receeding hairline? Na, that is from making u-turns under the covers....
Dude, at Swez's age, you don't do 69. You're lucky you can finish his girlfriends #5 from the Denny's senior menu.
:-P Oh! That hurts
uochronos on 03/2/2005 17:19:49
LMAO thats a good one...
Chronos
MrBrownstone on 03/2/2005 17:29:23
I heard Houghton/Mifflin bought Swez's diary and intends to use it as a civil war textbook.
Swez is the only guy I know that have voted for every winning presidential candidate since Julius Caesar.
Swez is so old, he went to 4 millenium parties. He was sick in 2000BC.
Swez owned land in all 13 original colonies--when they were colonies.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:43:23
YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE NO RESPECT
You kids got no respect for your elders. I saw a young boy scout (Victor) helping an old lady 1/2 way across the street.
I heard some of you young guys didn't know you were 12 til you were 15.
I heard Uochronos ran away from home, and his parents never found him. Course, they never looked.
I recently took a little kid to the zoo. I had to buy him 2 tickets: 1) to get him in, 2) to get him out of the monkey cage
I tell ya, you schoolkids having 'presidential' relations with your teachers. They grow up fast now. They go from Puberty to Adultery.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:44:31
THESE KIDS, We pay for their colleges
I can't believe that the best thing to graduate from an American College this year is a kid we educated in linquistics. Now, I find dirty poems on the bathroom walls in 3 or 4 languages.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:46:12
BABY'S MAMMAs???
I don't understand you kids. I overhead a doctor asking a girl, "Do you know what oral contraceptives are?" She said, "NO" He said, "Exactly!"
And how about JoAnn Fabric and Paper Warehouse. They just started a new line of party supplies. They now make Graduation gowns in Maternity sizes.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:47:32
COLLEGE KIDS--Girls Gone Wild
I tell ya, these college kids are really thoughful of their parents. Every year, the girls all go to Cancun to get a Breast Exam by amateur gynecologists!
I heard the new trend in saving money in college....kids are saving their parents a lot of money this year by flunking out last year.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:49:15
GIRLS GONE WILD
I met a college grad student the other day. Everybody called her Alma Mater because she 'educated' so many college guys as an undergrad.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:50:55
3 MILES UP HILL BOTH WAYS
...is how Swez & I went to school. We had to walk 3 miles up hill both ways in 3 feet of snow with no shoes. And you never heard us complain.
Now, kids have to walk 1 block to a bus.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:51:27
TEENAGERS
Teenagers...Too old to say something cute, too young to say something intelligent.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:58:22
NO AMBITION AT ALL IN THESE KIDS
I recently was asked to take an aptitude test so that College kids could be compared to actual working professionals. They took all age groups: 15-25, 26-34, 35-49, 50-65, and 65+.
They found that the average lazy college student was best suited for early retirement.
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:59:13
YOUNG MARRIAGE & DIVORCE
I heard of a young couple that got baptised and married at the same time. When they got divorced, they sought for custody of the OxyClean
MrBrownstone on 03/3/2005 13:59:47
As a youngster, Uochronos was given a rattle by his parents. Course, the snake was still attached to the rattle.
montego_27 on 03/3/2005 15:42:01
I've run restaurants and nightclubs for quite a while now,and I've had a lot of younger people work for me over the years. One thing that will always hold true is "Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill" Nuff said.......
uochronos on 03/3/2005 17:15:11
what Mr.B doesnt say is i was such a brave youngster that i strangled that snake using my bib strings and then raosted it!:)
"...is how Swez & I went to school. We had to walk 3 miles up hill both ways in 3 feet of snow with no shoes. And you never heard us complain."
I tell my sister and her high school friends that all the time lol they always treat me like i'm ancient even though i'm only 4 or 5 years older then most of them lol.
Chronos
Victor on 03/4/2005 01:15:40
It seems Mr.B has lost his senses.. He is too frustrated because of his growing age.. Poor Mr.B, he wants to be young again. thats why he's playing with words just like we young guys play with our "Tool"....
hehehehehehehehehehe
swez on 03/4/2005 08:31:53
Dunno about this... but it's high time fire back some cheap shots to my ole buddy Mr. B. However, I need some ammo. Am not well versed in this form of banter and could use some cannon fodder from the crew here.
We cannot use blond jokes as he is not blond. Can say "I've gotten better IM's from a drunken monkey"... or "That's not funny. Not even in the same zip code as funny"... or "It's 10:00, do you know where your brain is"?
Oh, Mr.B.... have you ever smelled "moth balls"? (yes) How did you get their legs apart? LOL
To turn one back on him.... Mr. B is often a few fries short of a Happy Meal !!!
Like I said, could use some quality taunts and wise cracks to fill in the gaps. Geez O Peas.... he's got me out gunned in this arena. HELP?
Swez
danielm87 on 03/4/2005 11:18:53
I'd love to help ya Dave, but IM ONLY 23 YEARS OLD! HAH! YA OLD PILE OF DIRT!
Now for two lame jokes aimed at Swez and 28 funny jokes aimed at ancient old timers..also, Swez.
- Swez is so old he left his wallet on Noah's Ark........
- Swez is so old he's got his OWN autographed copy of the bible......
- YOU KNOW YOURE GETTING OLD WHEN =
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
LONG LIVE YOUNG PEOPLE
MrBrownstone on 03/4/2005 11:50:58
What can I say. I'm at the summit of my career of humor. That means it's all downhill from here.
Just when I thought I was beat by Victor & Uochronos, I make a comeback. I'm not dead just yet. You may have to tie a porkchop to my neck to get the dog to play with me, but at my age, I see a pork chop and I'm not wasting it on a dog.
I think we've reached the twilight of the OLD jokes. We REEEEEEEALLY need some young jokes. I've 'shot my load' on those for a while, so if noone else has any more, I'm not going to continue to beat up on old guys like Swez.
I mean, cmon. After all, Swez wrote the original Magna Carta.
uochronos on 03/4/2005 13:49:00
OK timew to set some things stright first off Mr.B thats not a pork chop thats a piece of tire...
Second off forget the pork chop your so old we have to tie 100$ bills around your neck to get women to play with you...
Chronos
swez on 03/4/2005 20:28:35
Jumpin' Jehosophat guys... ask for a little help here and get more insults.
Well, it is true... I did help write the Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights, an advisor to Ben Franklin on his part in drafting the Constitution and part of the Bible as well. (Exodus) Was the scribe for Moses back then. However, my Hebrew is a bit rusty after 3000 years.
About the $100 bills around the neck.... naw! Have a better option. A key to the Ritz Carlton VIP Suites. My old chronies gave me one when they are not using it.
Nuff said,
Swez
danielm87 on 03/4/2005 22:03:20
IGNORANCE OF YOUTH
A young man was walking along the shore and found a lantern washed ashore. He picked it up and was brushing the sand off of it. Suddenly a genie appeared in a puff of smoke. He said, I am the djinn of Timbuktu; He that finds me has two wishes. Amazed, the young man thought for a moment. *Two wishes, huh? What I wish is that I can always be hard and that I can get all the ass I want." "As you wish," said the genie, and he promptly turned the young man into a toilet seat.
Life comes and goes in a flicker, soon enough we'll all be in diapers again....making weekly runs to the store for Depends adult underwear....JUST LIKE SWEZ
uochronos on 03/5/2005 05:14:39
funny how life cycles. your born and you start craping in your pants no sooner do they get you taught and you turn about 16 start partying and drinking and your pissing in your pants again... no sooner do you realize that you dont have to get that drunk and dont need to piss in your pants and you realize your so old you cant stop it anymore..
Chronos
i think i covered all the age ranges there lol
Victor on 03/5/2005 15:04:14
old is gold...
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