A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured
Alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
Seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caresses his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her
forefingers across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of
her Fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or
paper towels in the ladies room."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Replies (17)
cplkittle on 01/17/2005 17:16:56
Two aliens land on earth and approach a gas station that has been closed for the night. They younger of the two approaches a gas pump and politely says "we come in peace, take us to your leader." The pump does not reply. The young alien repeats his request again, as politely as he did the first time. Again the pump does not reply. Taking this as an act of defiance the young alien draws his phaser and demands that the gas pump comply. The older alien speaks up at this time saying " I would not do that if I were you, this being has the potential to be dangerous." Ignoring the warning, the younger alien screams his demand at the pump, and when ignored, fires his phaser at the pump. A large fireball knocks both of them back several hundred yards. When the young one awakes, charred and smoking, he asks the older alien how he knew that the 'earthling' could be so dangerous. The older alien replied " If there is one thing I have learned in my years of travel throughout the galaxies, it is this. If a being can wrap his 'hose' around himself, and then stick it in his ear, you probably don't want to mess with him."
swez on 01/17/2005 20:16:16
There was an old fisherman in the area, noted for catching his limit when most others got skunked. A new game warden came into town to investigate and finally latched on to the old codger. He did not let on he was the new game warden for that district.
Game Warden: "Hey John, I hear you are the best fisherman in this area. Mind taking me out and showing me the ropes. I'm kinda new around these here parts."
John: "Sure... be here at 5:00 AM on Tuesday and we'll go out and fish."
Well, that day came and bright & early, they set off for a very remote part of the lake. John puttered in to his favorite cove and tossed out an anchor. Then he said.. "This is as good as any spot I know. Here, have a cigar and watch your coffee cup. Things get a bit rocky in this area."
Well, John lit his cigar, reached behind his seat and grabbed a stick of dynomite... lit it with his cigar and tossed it into the water. Kabooommmm! And a whole pile of fish, came to the surface.
Agast, his partner began to protest in loud tones. "That's illegal...I'm the new game warden and I am placing you under arrest!"
John calmly reach back, grabbed a 2nd stick of dynomite and lit it. Then he toosed it in the game wardens' lap...
John: "Well warden, you gonna make a big fuss or did you come out to catch fish? BTW, you have 10 seconds to get rid of that stick. I use short fuses." Now shut up and fish!
Swez
MrBrownstone on 01/19/2005 23:43:01
DRIVE THRU BANKING
A man wrote this we all know that!
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads as follows:
Please note that this Bank is installing new 'Drive-through’ teller machines' enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Open car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash to be withdrawn.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Close window.
7. Drive away.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse car and back up the required amount to align car window with machine.
3. Set parking brake, open window.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine because of excessive distance from car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Buickman94 on 01/20/2005 17:33:46
hahaha...thats good Mr. B
uochronos on 01/20/2005 17:48:57
lol... i saw that lady at the DMV drive up the other day!
MrBrownstone on 01/21/2005 02:17:07
English
I Love You
Spanish
Te Amo
French
Je T'aime
German
lch Liebe Dich
Japanese
Ai ****e Imasu
Italian
Ti Amo
Chinese
Wo Ai Ni
Swedish
Jag Alskar
Alabama
Arkansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Mississippi
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
& parts of Florida
Nice Ass, Get in the truck
Victor on 08/3/2005 16:33:57
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is
my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He
asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The
sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take
it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new
thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is
that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos
flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It
keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The
sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being
made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him
killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefeet!"
Thats it for now.. lots for later..
Victor..
PS. A sardar ( sardarji's are dumb fellas from the state of punjab in north of india, basically objects of laughter.. hehe )
swez on 08/3/2005 18:49:52
Thanks for clarifying sadar's... it seemed to mean that, but American's have other euphamisms for them too:
1. Morons
2. Idiots
3. Nit Wits
4. Jackass'
5. Dim bulbs
6. Half wits
7. Fruit cakes
8. Overly Liberal Democrates
9. Overly Conservative Repulicans
10. Blonds
11. Jerry Springer Guests ( Jer-ee..Jer-ee...Jer-ee)
Am sure there are more... help me out guys?
Swez GRIN
Tinker18 on 08/3/2005 23:45:17
There are two guys, one named coudro and one named tibido.
Coudro comes up to tibido one day and says this.
Coudro: Guess what tibido.. I learned me some logic today in school.
Tibido: Logic? What's logic?
Coudro: Ok heres an example, you got a weedeater?
Tibido: Yeahsa
Coudro: Ok den, since you got a weedeater, I can logically assume you got a yard.
Tibido: Yeahsa,
Coudro: and since you got a yard, I can logically assume you have your own house.
Tibido: Yeahsa,
Coudro: And since you got a house I can logically assume you are more than likely married.
Tibido: wow, thats logic? Wow. That's right dere.
So, Tibido is walking down the street the next day where he runs into boudro. he says BOUDRO!, guess what i learned.
Boudro says what?
Tibido says I learned me some logic!
Boudro says, logic? whats dat?
Tibido says, Ok, you got a weedeater?
Boudro says nope.
Tibido says....Man you must be gay!!
===louisiana joke my dad told me.
-TINK
Tinker18 on 08/3/2005 23:49:46
There is a bear and a mouse. They find a lamp with a geenie.
The geenie grants them 3 wishes, the bear first.
The bear says, I wish all the bears in these woods were female and wanted me. The geenie says poof its done.
The mouse says, I want a motorcycle. The genie says poof, and there is a mouse motorcycle.
The bear looks at the mouse and says YOU ARE retarded, you idiot!
The bear wishes for all the bears in the state to be female and want him. The genie grants it.
The mouse says, I want a go cart. and there is a mouse go cart.
The bear says, you should have just wished for money and bought that you imbocile.
The bear wishes all the bears in the world were female and wanted me.
The mouse, tired of the bears remarks says,
I wish the bear was gay!
I have a question for all of you.
what is the moral of this story???
TINK
Victor on 08/4/2005 02:59:45
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day
discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes
the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the
Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced
mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the
Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he
thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians
who introduced it to women!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she
becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine
months later, just about the time she is going to give birth,
a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After
I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell
him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby
and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes
in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to
believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a
miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must
tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your
father."
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 01:50:21
Take a shot at the moral of my story someone. I wanna see who can get the closest.....should be quite interesting,
-TINK
swez on 08/5/2005 11:03:03
Uhhmmm...
1. This bear has a one track mind (needs to expand his interests)?
2. Mouse knows how to have fun and can get plenty of females with his new toys?
3. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it?
4. Bears are dumb, mice are smart?
5. Don't make a mouse with one wish left mad, he'll get even with that bear and his one track mind?
Errr, bears and mice have very different views on life and priorities I'd say. LOL
Swez
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 14:40:51
The moral of the story is that just because you have it better than someone else, doesn't mean you should look down upon them, your fortunes can change very quick.
-TINK
swez on 08/5/2005 15:59:52
Ouch.... that morality hurts!
Not so much that I am looking down my nose at anyone these days... but there was a time in life when I was sitting in a nice comfy chair and thought much too highly of myself. (still struggle w/ that a bit)
But, then came divorce with a host of quick & deep losses. Lost everything I worked 25 years to attain. All vanished in a matter of months too. Talk about a humbling experience? Yeah, it took the wind right out of the sails and the boat was sunk too.
All I have left, is the dingy now. But ya know what... I needed that wake up call too. It made me more humble, kinder, more patient and a bit wiser for the future.
Swez
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 17:26:12
Learning from your own mistakes, is a good thing, But i think that listening to others mistakes, and learning from them as well, makes you a very smart person.
-TINK
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 17:31:01
what's so bad about 5 (insert ethnic group) going off a cliff in a cadilac?
-a cadilac seats 6.
-Tink
Alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
Seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caresses his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her
hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her
forefingers across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of
her Fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or
paper towels in the ladies room."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Replies (17)
cplkittle on 01/17/2005 17:16:56
Two aliens land on earth and approach a gas station that has been closed for the night. They younger of the two approaches a gas pump and politely says "we come in peace, take us to your leader." The pump does not reply. The young alien repeats his request again, as politely as he did the first time. Again the pump does not reply. Taking this as an act of defiance the young alien draws his phaser and demands that the gas pump comply. The older alien speaks up at this time saying " I would not do that if I were you, this being has the potential to be dangerous." Ignoring the warning, the younger alien screams his demand at the pump, and when ignored, fires his phaser at the pump. A large fireball knocks both of them back several hundred yards. When the young one awakes, charred and smoking, he asks the older alien how he knew that the 'earthling' could be so dangerous. The older alien replied " If there is one thing I have learned in my years of travel throughout the galaxies, it is this. If a being can wrap his 'hose' around himself, and then stick it in his ear, you probably don't want to mess with him."
swez on 01/17/2005 20:16:16
There was an old fisherman in the area, noted for catching his limit when most others got skunked. A new game warden came into town to investigate and finally latched on to the old codger. He did not let on he was the new game warden for that district.
Game Warden: "Hey John, I hear you are the best fisherman in this area. Mind taking me out and showing me the ropes. I'm kinda new around these here parts."
John: "Sure... be here at 5:00 AM on Tuesday and we'll go out and fish."
Well, that day came and bright & early, they set off for a very remote part of the lake. John puttered in to his favorite cove and tossed out an anchor. Then he said.. "This is as good as any spot I know. Here, have a cigar and watch your coffee cup. Things get a bit rocky in this area."
Well, John lit his cigar, reached behind his seat and grabbed a stick of dynomite... lit it with his cigar and tossed it into the water. Kabooommmm! And a whole pile of fish, came to the surface.
Agast, his partner began to protest in loud tones. "That's illegal...I'm the new game warden and I am placing you under arrest!"
John calmly reach back, grabbed a 2nd stick of dynomite and lit it. Then he toosed it in the game wardens' lap...
John: "Well warden, you gonna make a big fuss or did you come out to catch fish? BTW, you have 10 seconds to get rid of that stick. I use short fuses." Now shut up and fish!
Swez
MrBrownstone on 01/19/2005 23:43:01
DRIVE THRU BANKING
A man wrote this we all know that!
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads as follows:
Please note that this Bank is installing new 'Drive-through’ teller machines' enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Open car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash to be withdrawn.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Close window.
7. Drive away.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse car and back up the required amount to align car window with machine.
3. Set parking brake, open window.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine because of excessive distance from car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Buickman94 on 01/20/2005 17:33:46
hahaha...thats good Mr. B
uochronos on 01/20/2005 17:48:57
lol... i saw that lady at the DMV drive up the other day!
MrBrownstone on 01/21/2005 02:17:07
English
I Love You
Spanish
Te Amo
French
Je T'aime
German
lch Liebe Dich
Japanese
Ai ****e Imasu
Italian
Ti Amo
Chinese
Wo Ai Ni
Swedish
Jag Alskar
Alabama
Arkansas
Oklahoma
Texas
North Carolina
South Carolina
Georgia
Tennessee
Mississippi
Louisiana
Virginia
West Virginia
Kentucky
& parts of Florida
Nice Ass, Get in the truck
Victor on 08/3/2005 16:33:57
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is
my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He
asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The
sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it
keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take
it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new
thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is
that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos
flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It
keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The
sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to
Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being
made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him
killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
and *again* barefeet!"
Thats it for now.. lots for later..
Victor..
PS. A sardar ( sardarji's are dumb fellas from the state of punjab in north of india, basically objects of laughter.. hehe )
swez on 08/3/2005 18:49:52
Thanks for clarifying sadar's... it seemed to mean that, but American's have other euphamisms for them too:
1. Morons
2. Idiots
3. Nit Wits
4. Jackass'
5. Dim bulbs
6. Half wits
7. Fruit cakes
8. Overly Liberal Democrates
9. Overly Conservative Repulicans
10. Blonds
11. Jerry Springer Guests ( Jer-ee..Jer-ee...Jer-ee)
Am sure there are more... help me out guys?
Swez GRIN
Tinker18 on 08/3/2005 23:45:17
There are two guys, one named coudro and one named tibido.
Coudro comes up to tibido one day and says this.
Coudro: Guess what tibido.. I learned me some logic today in school.
Tibido: Logic? What's logic?
Coudro: Ok heres an example, you got a weedeater?
Tibido: Yeahsa
Coudro: Ok den, since you got a weedeater, I can logically assume you got a yard.
Tibido: Yeahsa,
Coudro: and since you got a yard, I can logically assume you have your own house.
Tibido: Yeahsa,
Coudro: And since you got a house I can logically assume you are more than likely married.
Tibido: wow, thats logic? Wow. That's right dere.
So, Tibido is walking down the street the next day where he runs into boudro. he says BOUDRO!, guess what i learned.
Boudro says what?
Tibido says I learned me some logic!
Boudro says, logic? whats dat?
Tibido says, Ok, you got a weedeater?
Boudro says nope.
Tibido says....Man you must be gay!!
===louisiana joke my dad told me.
-TINK
Tinker18 on 08/3/2005 23:49:46
There is a bear and a mouse. They find a lamp with a geenie.
The geenie grants them 3 wishes, the bear first.
The bear says, I wish all the bears in these woods were female and wanted me. The geenie says poof its done.
The mouse says, I want a motorcycle. The genie says poof, and there is a mouse motorcycle.
The bear looks at the mouse and says YOU ARE retarded, you idiot!
The bear wishes for all the bears in the state to be female and want him. The genie grants it.
The mouse says, I want a go cart. and there is a mouse go cart.
The bear says, you should have just wished for money and bought that you imbocile.
The bear wishes all the bears in the world were female and wanted me.
The mouse, tired of the bears remarks says,
I wish the bear was gay!
I have a question for all of you.
what is the moral of this story???
TINK
Victor on 08/4/2005 02:59:45
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day
discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes
the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the
Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced
mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the
Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he
thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians
who introduced it to women!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she
becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine
months later, just about the time she is going to give birth,
a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After
I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell
him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby
and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes
in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to
believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a
miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must
tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your
father."
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 01:50:21
Take a shot at the moral of my story someone. I wanna see who can get the closest.....should be quite interesting,
-TINK
swez on 08/5/2005 11:03:03
Uhhmmm...
1. This bear has a one track mind (needs to expand his interests)?
2. Mouse knows how to have fun and can get plenty of females with his new toys?
3. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it?
4. Bears are dumb, mice are smart?
5. Don't make a mouse with one wish left mad, he'll get even with that bear and his one track mind?
Errr, bears and mice have very different views on life and priorities I'd say. LOL
Swez
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 14:40:51
The moral of the story is that just because you have it better than someone else, doesn't mean you should look down upon them, your fortunes can change very quick.
-TINK
swez on 08/5/2005 15:59:52
Ouch.... that morality hurts!
Not so much that I am looking down my nose at anyone these days... but there was a time in life when I was sitting in a nice comfy chair and thought much too highly of myself. (still struggle w/ that a bit)
But, then came divorce with a host of quick & deep losses. Lost everything I worked 25 years to attain. All vanished in a matter of months too. Talk about a humbling experience? Yeah, it took the wind right out of the sails and the boat was sunk too.
All I have left, is the dingy now. But ya know what... I needed that wake up call too. It made me more humble, kinder, more patient and a bit wiser for the future.
Swez
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 17:26:12
Learning from your own mistakes, is a good thing, But i think that listening to others mistakes, and learning from them as well, makes you a very smart person.
-TINK
Tinker18 on 08/5/2005 17:31:01
what's so bad about 5 (insert ethnic group) going off a cliff in a cadilac?
-a cadilac seats 6.
-Tink
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