Kirk was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
Kirk took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If
I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Kirk asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" Kirk asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Kirk asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said Kirk, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife Kim."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." Kirk replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."
Hope this is not too racy for ya'll, (I thought it was pretty funny)
Swez
PS Compliments of Mr. B.
Replies (7)
uochronos on 12/3/2004 12:13:28
that was pretty funny there swez hehe,... you got a whole room of laughs here at my house:)
Chronos
swez on 12/3/2004 17:37:29
One more for good measure!
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
Swez GRIN
P0werLifter on 12/4/2004 04:17:23
GRIN Thanks for making me laugh Swez LOL HAPPY . Its been a long day
alanjlamore on 12/4/2004 12:19:43
OK here's one I posted on another forum. This is one of my favorites. Maybe this thread can be a joke thread where everyone puts their witty jokes (as long as they're not insulting...)
A 75-year old man went to his doctors office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said:"Take this jar home, and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappeared at the doctors office, and gave him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what had happened, and the man explained:
"Well Doc, its like this......
First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left hand, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door .and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing"
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we still couldnt get the damn jar open!"
swez on 12/4/2004 20:00:18
Alan, being the mild mannered guy you appear to be... (in my mind) sure surprised me with that one... too funny.... very good !!!
Ya know, maybe we should have a "funny bone tickler" thread on this site. We all get so intense on designing, fixing, upgrading our stuff.. we for get to have a little fun and a good laugh once in a while.
Keep it going,
Swez
PS Just keep it clean as possible OK? We are adults... but let's try not to let it slip past PG rating/
swez on 12/4/2004 20:14:39
I just noted something that struck me funny on the left side (tools) of our board.
It says..." ADD Hardware Profile" Does that mean the hardware we choose, has to be A.D.D. Or.. that those who post hardware info must be A.D.D.? (A.D.H.D.) Same difference???
Swez THINK
alanjlamore on 12/5/2004 01:39:36
Yea, I thought that was a bit racy, but the ending seemed to cool things down a bit. The guy was just trying to open a jar, anything beond that would be in the reader's head, LOL.
I post a lot on a "muscle building nutrition" forum and they have a lot of separate threads designed for specific things, like nutrition, specific foods, training.... and one of them is "Gossip, Chat, Discussion, Politics, Humour , Anything". This is for any off topic subjects, like in this case anything that we want to chat about that's not car audio related.
It's in it's own section so it's separate from the main forum's direction, yet gives some relief that builds comradory amung people with the same interests.
I just thought that it would be a good idea to have a link or something separate to allow for something like this. Maybe even separate threads like subs, components, speakers, amps, head units, enclosures.....
Just a thought. If anyone believes that the above joke is too racy for this site and doesn't belong, by all means let me know and I'll edit it out, or if you have the ability, delete it yourself. I won't get offended, I was just trying to give some comic relief. I can see how that one would be a bit border line.
Kirk took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If
I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Kirk asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" Kirk asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Kirk asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said Kirk, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife Kim."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." Kirk replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."
Hope this is not too racy for ya'll, (I thought it was pretty funny)
Swez
PS Compliments of Mr. B.
Replies (7)
uochronos on 12/3/2004 12:13:28
that was pretty funny there swez hehe,... you got a whole room of laughs here at my house:)
Chronos
swez on 12/3/2004 17:37:29
One more for good measure!
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
Swez GRIN
P0werLifter on 12/4/2004 04:17:23
GRIN Thanks for making me laugh Swez LOL HAPPY . Its been a long day
alanjlamore on 12/4/2004 12:19:43
OK here's one I posted on another forum. This is one of my favorites. Maybe this thread can be a joke thread where everyone puts their witty jokes (as long as they're not insulting...)
A 75-year old man went to his doctors office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said:"Take this jar home, and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappeared at the doctors office, and gave him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what had happened, and the man explained:
"Well Doc, its like this......
First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left hand, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door .and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing"
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we still couldnt get the damn jar open!"
swez on 12/4/2004 20:00:18
Alan, being the mild mannered guy you appear to be... (in my mind) sure surprised me with that one... too funny.... very good !!!
Ya know, maybe we should have a "funny bone tickler" thread on this site. We all get so intense on designing, fixing, upgrading our stuff.. we for get to have a little fun and a good laugh once in a while.
Keep it going,
Swez
PS Just keep it clean as possible OK? We are adults... but let's try not to let it slip past PG rating/
swez on 12/4/2004 20:14:39
I just noted something that struck me funny on the left side (tools) of our board.
It says..." ADD Hardware Profile" Does that mean the hardware we choose, has to be A.D.D. Or.. that those who post hardware info must be A.D.D.? (A.D.H.D.) Same difference???
Swez THINK
alanjlamore on 12/5/2004 01:39:36
Yea, I thought that was a bit racy, but the ending seemed to cool things down a bit. The guy was just trying to open a jar, anything beond that would be in the reader's head, LOL.
I post a lot on a "muscle building nutrition" forum and they have a lot of separate threads designed for specific things, like nutrition, specific foods, training.... and one of them is "Gossip, Chat, Discussion, Politics, Humour , Anything". This is for any off topic subjects, like in this case anything that we want to chat about that's not car audio related.
It's in it's own section so it's separate from the main forum's direction, yet gives some relief that builds comradory amung people with the same interests.
I just thought that it would be a good idea to have a link or something separate to allow for something like this. Maybe even separate threads like subs, components, speakers, amps, head units, enclosures.....
Just a thought. If anyone believes that the above joke is too racy for this site and doesn't belong, by all means let me know and I'll edit it out, or if you have the ability, delete it yourself. I won't get offended, I was just trying to give some comic relief. I can see how that one would be a bit border line.
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